69. Indentured slavery

So, you get asked to play a role in an important person's wedding, and you're thrilled. Pleased. Proud. Such an honour!

If you're me, you then can only do one thing: rush out get a book and start the research! Book number 1 arrived today - specific advice on how to perform my important role.

Huh.

Well, the book confirms that it is indeed an honour. In fact, you are only allowed to turn down this honour for an "acceptable" reason: one of those listed is, and I quote, "a previous liaison" with one of those parties getting married. Which made me laugh.... Particularly since just hating one of them is NOT an acceptable reason... So now you know.

It appears that my new role dates from pagan times, when evil spirits were thought to attend wedding ceremonies: by surrounding the marrying couple with "look-a-likes" it was thought that the evil spirits would not be able to single out the happy couple. Hmmm.... Not just an honour, it appears, but a vital safety feature. Although I'm not sure that I find the role of potential sacrificial lamb quite so enticing...

It gets worse. It would appear that my new role requires me to become my friends (or, actually, friends') personal assistant, someone who can be relied on to chase quotes (?!) if required and also to keep them calm in times of stress. So my great role of honour is not only fraught with danger, but involves me taking on 2 more jobs on top of the one that I already have... Ooooh, the honour!

In order to successfully undertake my role I apparently have to be:
Organised (um...);
Calm (I can do this - manically, but it's do-able);
Enthusiastic (oh, dear);
Focused (ah, yes, can do);
Cooperative (well, I can give it a go);
Supportive (now this is just getting silly!).

So that's a lot of work ahead of me... On top of the desperate fitness regime... I feel quite fatigued already. Time for some rum and coke, I think!

(O_O)

Today's stats:
Cross-trainer - 30 mins, 4 miles [Level 5]
Pilates - 35 mins, DVD1

68. A mouse! Where? There on the stairs...

As I am now preparing to be supportive in 2 wedding (G&T having joined the Smurf in heading for matrimonial bliss), I have become a lot more focused about this training lark. Or carried away - it's tricky to tell... Anyway, I have decided that it is possible for me to undertake more than one form of exercise in a given day, and so shall proceed accordingly (at least for the next day or so - don't want to over-do things...).

Slightly worried, actually, as my Mother kindly informed me that these things tend to come in 3s: this means that I am now viewing all communications from (single) friends with great suspicion. I am not sure that I can fit in another wedding next year, at least not one that I have to actually do stuff for. I have other things to do, you know - like, well, work, and stuff...

Anyway off to the gym I toddled today, after a few hours of loafing around (hmmm, fairly sure that I should have been tidying or something. Oh, well.). It being a Friday, I expected to be in solitary splendour for my hard miles. And I was initially. But then some girl arrived to dice with Darth (in full running regalia - she's either serious about her running, or very fashion conscious): I decided to ignore her, not hard as she was round the corner from me and thus out of sight. But....

Dear Lord she made a lot of noise running on the treadmill! It was like she was wearing clogs (I checked - she wasn't!) - thump, thump, thump, thump. Which could be clearly heard even over my iPod tunes! Now, I've often been accused of being heavy-footed and so have not much room to comment - but that can't be good for her. Slamming down that much force over and over again - she'll do herself an injury! She was still clog-hopping away when I left the gym, a fact that sadly needed no visual verification. Quite distracting, all told. I shall pray for her knees ('cos, you know, it's Christmas, and all).

:o) 

Today's stats:
Cycling (in gym) - 29 mins, 5 miles [Level 5]
Pilates - 35 mins, DVD1

67. To resolve or not?

Normally I don't make New Year's resolutions - I'm not convinced of the benefit of listing everything that I'm not going to do in the year ahead... I may put together some unofficial resolutions (for comedic effect, if nothing else), but no resolutions for me!

However... I normally have an annual "theme". I can't remember what last year's was supposed to be, but it ended up being "exercise" or more precisely "running". I'm still mulling over what I want next year's theme to be, but there is already an official theme going on whether I like it or not (and of course I like it: thrilled, etc, etc).

And the official theme is going to require much exercise, I fear. Much, much exercise, and planning. Lots and lots and lots of planning... I'm quite fatigued by the whole thing and it's not started yet...!

To that end, today saw the start of the Fake 5x50, an entirely unofficial, not-for-profit and personally challenging attempt to do 5kms-worth of exercise daily for 50 days (or at least 35km per week). Hey, and indeed, ho. Welcome to Challenge 4, people!

By my calculations (which could, it has to be said, be wrong - numbers, not my forte) the Fake 5x50 is due to come to an end on 14th February 2013. Joy. My favourite day of the year just got even better...

(^_^)

Today's stats:
Cross-trainer - 30 mins, 4 miles [Level 5]

66. Saving the world, one fruit fly at a time...

Green is obviously the way forward. And recycling is a key element of making the future green (technically the present too, but we've all had out "I can't be bothered, I'll just throw this bit of cardboard in the general waste bin because the walk to the cardboard bin is too long" moments, haven't we?).

But. Food recycling? Fraught with issues...

Perhaps not for everyone. But I live alone, I'm travelling hither and thon, and housekeeping is not a speciality... So maybe I can't remember when I last took the food box to the food recycling bin (overly complex process, if you ask me). But there can't be that much food anyway as, you know, I live alone. And don't cook... Spare food / food waste in a sealed container - really, what could go wrong?

Well, this is where we discover a little-known fact about the humble fruit fly: they are inter-spatial travellers. Have a sealed box within which food resides? Not a problem, guvnor, we can get in there in a jiffy... And how did I discover this amazing capability of fruit flies? Well, I was tidying (I know - random!) and thought that I would check the contents of the food recycling box. BIG mistake!

Not only was it obvious that I had not emptied said box in a while (how am I supposed to remember these things?!) but also that the fruit flies had established something of a colony outpost (en route to world domination, of course). Tragically, opening the box allowed some of these fruit fly advance scouts to escape into the rest of my house.

So that was an entire day spent swiping at (and missing) teeny little flies that were particularly fond of flying past just at the corner of my eyes... Not only that, but the blasted find my computer screen amazingly attractive. That would be the touch-screen computer... Aggravating indeed, but also potentially quite embarrassing. How many police officers would go for the line "Ah, yes, well, you see, it wasn't me that was accessing that incredibly dodgy internet site, it was one of the fruit flies that have invaded my front room?"

I left them to it, dear reader, and sloped off for Christmas. I expect to return home to either a fruit-fly-free zone (they are inter-spatial travellers, after all), or a fully-functioning first-stage-of-the-revolution colony... Shall be intriguing to find out!

(@_@)

Today's stats:
Pilates - 45 mins (DVD1, oooh, dear - the nice American lady did not look impressed - might have left it a bit long between classes, there...)

65. Kaboom!

"Where's the kaboom?! There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!!"
- Wise words from the mighty Marvin the Martian; always cool, calm and collected under pressure, and yet still able to deliver a pithy line or two...

Am fairly sure that there should have been an apocalypse last night (or possibly this morning. Or even this afternoon...). I think that I would have noticed an apocalypse (but with my track record, I can't be 100% sure)... But I appear to still be here, as indeed does the rest of the known world. Hmmm - underwhelming, as apocalypses go, I think...

I discovered today that fudge donoughts come in (at least) 2 different types - cream-filled or custard-filled. I don't know how I've managed to miss this fact before now, but apparently it's widely known... Sadly I was buying said donoughts first thing in the morning, and so it took me several loooong minutes to decide which ones to buy (custard-filled, just in case you were wondering).

As will be obvious from the above, today was a day which involved cake. Last day at work until the new year! Woo-hoo! And so cakes were a must, obviously... Admittedly, there was subterfuge involved in this cake-buying exercise. I don't share worth a damn, and so if I want cakes (which I pretty much always do), and I guy some (note: some), then I'm not for letting others have them. The answer to this? Buy everyone else cakes of their own! End result being I trundled into work today with piles of cakes for everyone else who was working today, just so that I could justify buying myself a bag of sugared ring donoughts.

The shame! Oh, the shame!!

Obviously, the only way to deal with this trauma was to get myself to the gym and work those cakes off sharpish... Sadly, I think that I might have had more cakes than one gym session could handle.

But that's a problem for another day...

;oD

Today's stats:
Cross-trainer - 30 mins, 4 miles [Level 5]

64. Pretty and pious

At this time of year I do tend to feel like the sun should just stop mucking about and go on holiday already. I mean, when "daylight" is a slightly lighter grey than the dark grey that we've been treated to all night, you've got to wonder what the point it. Wet, windy, dreach, dreary.... And I haven't written any Christmas cards yet!!!! (Clue: not going to happen. Again... *sigh*) Now you see why I took some leave in October to deal with Christmas preps (just ignore for the moment the fact that I didn't do any  - it was vitally important that I read those 6 books. Vitally important....).

Am having a bit of a Biblical week (trying not to read too much into this...) - more work than you can shake a stick at, loads to do of an evening, and what happens? My work laptop dies a rather sudden and unexpected death. Which is when we really give importance to words like "back-up" (ah, yes...)... Anyway, that at least doubled my work (re-doing stuff and just making everything more difficult), and then the weather took a turn for the very mildly apocalyptic (we're doomed! Sorry, couldn't resist....).

So I'm expecting Christmas to be cancelled at any moment (which would be typical - just as I finish buying the presents....). 50% of me would be in favour of a small delay in arrival at least - give more of a purpose to ye olde New Year. So much to do, so little time... Note to self: buying presents is not enough - you must wrap them. Must. Wrap. Presents.

Against this atmosphere of disaster, gloom and last-minute traumas, I decided tonight was the night for the triumphant return to the gym. I do not intend to dwell on the woman on the treadmill in her tiny white t-shirt and teeny black hot-pants (we're not at home to that sort of showing off in our gym!). Hopefully she'll not be back and I won't have to dignify her with a name... But, anyway, back to me (as ever!): I thought I was doing quite well as the whole gym thing went quite well.... Then I got home and discovered I'd dropped 2 difficulty levels on the cross-trainer (that'd explain why it wasn't as tricky as it might have been..., then). Story of the week right there, people!

;oD

Today's stats:
Cross-trainer - 29 mins, 4 miles [Level 4]

63. The problems with Zen travelling

So I'm trying to be more Zen about my travelling. Trying not to get so wound up about the fact that some people seem to be surprised when officials at the airport scanners ask them to take their jackets off (really? You miss the signs, the pictures, the annoying hologram woman....? Really?!?), and so forth. I shan't dwell on this (much) as it's sort of anti-Zen. And there's enough of that to come....

A small success has been achieved in terms of the "We know that many of you are frequent travellers, but we do ask that you do us the courtesy of giving your full attention to our short safety briefing" issue. You know, the fact that I appear to be the only person on any plane who actually pays any attention to this, up to and including reading the safety card (I'll admit noting and finding interesting the differences between the safety cards is geeky). Despite the fact that I'm pretty much word-perfect in the briefing for at least 3 different airlines... Anyway, the success was that when I was island-hopping round the Caribbean (did I mention that I'd been on holiday in the Caribbean recently?), I went off on my rant about people not paying attention (so rude!), etc. And was promptly designated the aircraft safety person as a result (who knew that such a vacancy existed?!).

Now, this might seem like my being taken advantage of (uh, or something) but I was actually comforted. I had a role. I was not merely being anal. And, crucially, my role meant that I had to pay attention whether anyone else did or not. Since my return I have taken this small measure of comfort with me on all subsequent flights.... It works for me, and I am soooo much calmer in the run-up to take-off, concentrating hard to ensure the safety of my fellow (frankly, ungrateful) passengers.

Sadly, I have yet to find something to calm me upon landing. Really, people, would it kill you to leave your 'phone off and stay in your seat at the very least until the fasten seat-belt sign goes off LIKE THE AIR STEWARD JUST TOLD YOU TO????!!!! My last landing, as the plane finally stopped rolling to a stop, the woman behind me felt the need to call someone just to say (literally) "We've just landed" and half the people in front of me bounced out of their seats for their bags AND THE ENGINES WERE STILL RUNNING!!!

I have to find some way to counteract this, as it simply can't be good for me to walk off every flight I take seething at the fact that people can't follow very simple instructions... Gah!!!! Suggestions?

(*_*)

Today's stats:
Christmas prep - eating and TV-watching... Was going to go to the gym now that I'm no longer ill. But didn't.

62. Bzzzt! Hello? Hello? Anyone there?

Well, it's been a while... But part of that involved toddling off to a series of beaches in the Caribbean for a fortnight of holiday frolicking. Which was very nice... And not entirely lacking in activity - some swimming, lots of walking/hiking... Almost athletic, in fact!

I continued my charitable giving, too, laying on a veritable feast for the mosquitoes. They've never eaten so good, as far as I can tell - gluttony obviously being less of a concern when you're a tiny flying biting thing. Need to research insect repellant - my attractiveness overcame all brands of insect repellant tested to date.

Now that I'm back... It's far too cold for me right now to go outside, I can't currently contemplate wearing less than 5 layers (and so visiting the gym seems to be a bit of a step too far), and the obligatory post-holiday cold is kicking in with a vengeance. So order of the day is sitting in front of the TV enjoying the magic that is a working radiator in the sitting room...

But there is much to be done in the coming weeks. I need to decide on next year's challenge(s), rather than just agonise over them. I need to get back into regular exercise before I no longer need multiple layers of clothing to look like the Michelin Man... Oh, yes, and there's thon Christmas thingy coming up... Might get to all of that after I read the latest Lilith Saintcrow book (literature is important for the soul, you know).

Also need to recover from the shock of going to the supermarket (to replenish the cupboards), forgetting half of the essentials I needed, picking up a few Christmas present items, and managing to spend an entire month's shopping budget in one trip! And I haven't even got the important Christmas presents yet!! AND I'll need to go back in a couple of days to get all the stuff that I forgot!!! Need a drink to recover from the shock - luckily I may be short of food, but I'm rolling in rum at the moment.

Hic!

:o)